YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
