We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
