How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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