Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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