Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
