1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
