Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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