We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Less talking, more tequila
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
