How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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