i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
