I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
