So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
