So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm passing your future prison.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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