it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
