how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
