Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
