She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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