Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
