That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
