Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
