haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
