I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
