therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
