Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm having to shit out rocks
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
