How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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