we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
