isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
