Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
