Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
