3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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