we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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