I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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