I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
