we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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