by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
