there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
