i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
