how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
