Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I need moral support for this bender
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
