dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
