They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
