Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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