I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
