My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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