you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
They are going to name an STD after you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
