mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
