FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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