I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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