I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
