Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
