Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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