He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
