so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
