it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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